There are certain times in life when we wish we could stop the clock and live in the moment forever.
Such times are fond memories; and in a way, the clock actually does stop – at least, in our minds. For each time that we recall an incident from our past, we are recalling a fixed moment in time. Every time we recall something from out of our past, is a time when the clock stopped for us – even if just for a moment.
As my mother lived out her last days here on earth, I found myself remembering more and more of the good times we had together. Please understand, it didn’t use to be that way. For most of my life all I could remember were the bad times. My holding on to them and frequently recalling them was a form of self-imprisonment; as I could never break free from the bitter resentments those memories held. Thus my relationship with my mother never got any better and I remained emotionally immature for most of my life.
I never took responsibility for my actions; choosing instead to blame people, places, and situations for all my problems. Now, however, I am able to see the past clearly and honestly.
Today, I know and fully realize that the only one who kept me from being all that I could have been was myself; and I thank God for showing me that. I also thank God for showing me His mercy and His grace; without which I would have never come to know what it is to be free from all the bitterness that kept me in bondage for the majority of my life.
I have heard it said that we never really grow-up until our parents are gone. With only my own experience to relate to, I cannot say how true or false this statement may be. I can say, however, that it is only by the grace of God that I have been able to grow up and learn what it is to forgive and be forgiven; what it is to receive grace – and to extend grace to others – even to the “stop-the-clock” moments from the past. For God has shown me perfect love and how to love perfectly. Today I fully understand that without love, I am nothing.